česa se naučimo iz ameriških filmov
Stvar je prijadrala na moj mejl in se mi zdi prav dobra:
1. Velika in luksuzna stanovanja v New Yorku si lahko privoscijo skoraj vsi, ne glede na to ali so zaposleni ali ne.
2. Vsaj eden od identicnih dvojckov je rojen zloben.
3. Ce morate izkljuciti bombo, ne skrbite, katero zicko morate prerezati. Vedno boste izbrali pravo.
4. Vecina domacih racunalnikov je dovolj mocna, da prekosi napadalne vesoljske skupine.
5. Ni vazno, ce si vpleten v pretep z mnozico orjakov, ki obvladajo borilne vescine. Tvoji sovrazniki bodo mirno cakali, da bos pretepel vsakega posebej.
6. Ko zvecer, preden gres v posteljo, ugasnes luci, je v tvoji sobi se vedno vse dobro vidno, le malo modrikasto.
7. Ce je zenska blond in lepa, je mozno, da postane nuklearni fizik pri 22-ih letih.
8. Posteni in delavni policaji vedno umrejo v strelskem obracunu tri dni pred upokojitvijo.
9. Raje kot da bi trosili metke, se sovrazniki vedno raje odlocijo za komplicirano masinerijo z vzigalniki, skripci, smrtonosnimi plini, laserji in ljudozerskimi morskimi psi, ki omogocijo ujetnikom najmanj 20 minut da pobegnejo.
10. Vse postelje imajo posebno oblikovane rjuhe v crki L. Zenskam segajo do podpazduhe, moske, ki lezijo poleg, pa pokrijejo do pasu.
11. Vse nakupovalne vrecke vsebujejo vsaj eno francosko struco.
12. Za vsakogar je lahko pristati letalo, samo ce je v kontrolnem stolpu nekdo, ki ti bo dajal navodila.
13. Po enkratnem nanosu se make-up ne bo nikdar odstranil – niti takrat ne, ko se greste potapljat.
14. Skoraj zagotovo boste preziveli katerokoli bitko, razen ce niste naredili te napake, da ste pokazali sliko svoje drage.
15. Ce si zelite odigrati vlogo ruskega ali nemskega oficirja, vam ni potrebno znati ruscine ali nemscine. Naglas bo zadostoval.
16. Eifflov stolp je viden iz kateregakoli okna v Parizu.
17. Moski bo prenesel vse bolecine v najhujsih bitkah, ko pa mu bo zenska spirala rane, bo cvilil.
18. Ce je vidna velika steklena povrsina, bo prej ali slej nekdo letel skozi.
19. Ce je zenska sama v tesnobni in grozljivi hisi, bo odsla raziskovat v spodnjem perilu, ki veliko razkriva.
20. Word procesor nikoli ne pokaze kurzorja na ekranu, vedno se izpise “Vpisite geslo”.
21. Tudi ce se vozite po popolnoma ravni cesti, morate vsake toliko obrniti volan malce na levo ali desno.
22. Vse bombe so opremljene z elektronsko casovno napravo z velikimi rdecimi stevilkami, tako da tocno vemo, kdaj bo eksplodirala.
23. Ce se odlocite, da boste plesali na cesti, bodo vsi okoli vas znali korake.
24. Policijske postaje testirajo svoje zaposlene z osebnostnimi testi, zato da sta v paru vedno dva policaja, ki sta si popolno nasprotje.
25. Tudi kadar so sami, se vsi tuji vojaski oficirji pogovarjajo v anglescini.
26. Detektiv lahko resi problem le takrat, kadar je suspendiran.
In the movies, have you ever noticed that:
Word processors never display a cursor.
You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
All monitors display inch-high letters.
The most relevant information is displayed in its own window right in the middle of the screen, but there’s never an OK button or other way to close it.
High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don’t, have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES on any keyboard.
Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing UPLOAD VIRUS; (see Fortress).
All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain”s desktop computer, even if it’s turned off.
Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn”t go faster than you can read.
The really advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer. (See The Hunt For Red October or Alien)
All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots **** underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards.
Corollary: sending data to a modem/tape drive/printer faster than expected causes it to explode.
People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. (See the opening credits for The Hunt For Red October)
A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
Any PERMISSION DENIED error has an OVERRIDE function (see Demolition Man and countless others).
Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems (especially the wireless ones they must be using when they’re in the car) usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.
When the power plant/missile-site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
If a disk contains encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access them.
No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it’ll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens).
However, everyone must have been highly trained, because none of the buttons are labelled.
Most computers, no matter how small, are able to produce reality-defying three-dimensional, active animation, photo-realistic graphics, with little or no detailed input from the user.
Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.
Whenever someone looks at a monitor, the image is so bright it projects itself onto their face (see Alien, 2001, Jurassic Park).
Either a Jacob’s Ladder or a Van Der Graaf Generator is absolutely necessary for the operation of new, experimental computers (especially when built by brilliant scientists), although in real life these devices do absolutely nothing.
One can issue any complex set of commands in a few keystrokes (see Star Trek).
The Internet connects to everything in the movies. You can edit credit records, search hotel registries, lookup police criminal files, search (and edit) drivers license databases, edit social security files and more **** using the Internet (see The Net).
Smashing the monitor prevents the whole system from working (see Speed).
You can launch nuclear missiles from any bedroom using an analog modem, but only if you know a single secret password (see War Games).
