di italians
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
”Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.”
”You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. ”In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public.”
”Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. ”Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.”
The Italian who went to Malta
(must be read with an Italian accent)
One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. So I got back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna ****. He telle me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna **** on my bed. He say you better not **** onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: “Peace on you.” I say piss on you too, you sonna my bitch. I gonna back to Italy.
This Italian bloke had never played golf before and so asked for some tips before starting the game. An American player decided to teach the Italian the proper way to putt a golf ball.
The American said, “You take this stick and hit the balls so that they roll into the hole”. The American putted away and sank the ball from 20 feet in a single stroke.
The Italian replied, “In America, you leave your sticka outta and a putta your balls in da hole, but in Italia, we put our sticka inna da hole and leave our balls out”!